27 Things I Never Told You (Holy Crap, It’s Good To Be Back)

Posted by | February 05, 2012 | Blog, Random | 7 Comments
IMG_1410

I know I’ve been quiet on the blogging front for the last few months. Truth be told, 2012 has been pretty rough. There’s been lots of ‘stuff’ going on, but I’ve had zero motivation to share it. I’m in Sierra Leone at the moment, and I want to share about what’s going here, but I felt bad about launching into travel stories when I’ve been so quiet for so long.

Yesterday, that changed.

I read an article by Dave Ursillo (a brilliant writer and great friend of mine) called 26 Confessions I’ve Never Told You.

He challenged his readers to express themselves more fully. To open up. To really share.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m tearing the Gaffa tape off my mouth. No more hiding away from the world. I’m kickstarting 2012 with some much needed self-expression!

So here goes, 27 Things I Never Told You.

1. I stopped writing new blog posts after my partner and I broke up in November last year. I felt pretty shit about myself. I didn’t feel like I had anything inspirational to share. When I get sad, I park myself in Depressoville and shut myself off from the world.

2. I think One Girl is on the cusp of something epic. We’re aiming to raise $1 million this year. That’s a ten fold increase from 2011. Yep. Epic. Do you know how much of a difference that amount of money could make!? HUGE!

3. I got bitten by an Unidentified Flying Bug in Sierra Leone a few days ago, and I have a weird looking red spotted lump on my leg. It’s way too big to be a mosquito bite. It’s a little itchy, and I’m not sure if I should be concerned. I hope it’s not a flesh eating spider bite.

4. I studied computer science for a year at University. I was one of two girls in a class of 250 men. I did pretty damn well in my first year, but the idea of staring at a blank screen and writing code for the rest of my life made me cringe. I shifted into Multimedia and started designing instead. I love making things look pretty.

5. I have a strong ‘dark’ goddess in me that I need to let out to play every now and then. I used to try and suppress her – but now I know I need to embrace the dark as well as the light. The ‘dark’ side of me likes to get drunk, flirt, be silly and play games. My ‘dark’ side used to be incredibly destructive (I once smashed a bottle on a boyfriend’s new Alfa Romeo in a fit of rage – *insert Psycho music here*) – but after lots of self awareness and personal development work, I’ve reigned in my ‘dark’ goddess. She’s still there, but she doesn’t rule my life anymore. All past and future boyfriend’s can breathe a collective sigh of relief.

6. I love unleashing my ‘sexual’ goddess during Five Rhythms dance classes. For 2 hours a week I get to dance like no one’s watching, and I’m free to let my inner erotic dancer come out to play. I get self conscious, but mostly, I love it.

7. I think I’m jaded about love. I feel like half my heart is closed. I’ve never given myself ‘fully’ in an intimate relationship. I’m always holding back. I’m aware of it, but have no idea what to do to shift it. It’s a work in progress.

8. I never finished university. My highest level of education is High School. I used to be embarrassed about that, but now I think it’s awesome. You don’t need a degree to be successful.

9. I can easily read a book in a day. I read incredibly quickly, and now that I’ve got a Kindle (thanks dad!) I read between 5-10 books a month. Just finished Steve Job’s Biography. You should get onto it – very inspirational.

10. Once I set my mind on something, I don’t stop until I’ve achieved it. Determination is definitely in my blood. I always have to be careful that I’m not missing out on the journey by focusing solely on the destination.

11. Sometimes I dream about giving up my life and running off to India to live in an ashram. I feel like I’m in a battle between work I want to do in the ‘real’ world, and spaces I want to explore in the ‘spiritual’ world. I’m still trying to find the balance.

12. It’s only in the last 12 months that I’ve started to believe that I’m beautiful. I’ve always hated my body – but now I’m really beginning to love ALL of me. I rarely wear makeup now, because I know that I don’t need it. Natural is beautiful.

13. I love dogs. They’re the most gorgeous, loving creatures on this planet. They embody unconditional love. I’d like to have my own dog one day, but I’m too transient at the moment. Instead, I love my sister’s dogs (Ella and Jesse). Ella gets so excited when she meets new people that she pees on them. It’s adorable.

14. I hate talking on the phone. Face to face, awesome. Email, awesome. Text, awesome. Phone calls? Nope. I’m really bad at calling people back too.

15. Although I love people – I’ve definitely introverted. I need time alone to restore my energy. Without it, I’m the grumpiest cow around.

16. I have two showers a day no matter where in the world I am. Even if it’s a bucket shower. Even if I’m in an airport (thankfully most of them have showers now). I can’t go to sleep until I’ve showered – been like that since I was 16.

17. I started smoking when I was 14 and quit when I was 24. I used to smoke so much that I’d trigger severe asthma attacks and my poor dad would rush me to the hospital to get me on a ventilator. My poor little lungs. So silly.

18. One day I’ll present at TED Global or TED Women. Maybe both.

19. I eat the same thing over and over again until I can’t eat it anymore. For the last 4 months I’ve been cooking Vegetable Noodle Stirfry almost every night. Sometimes I even eat it for lunch the next day. Eventually I’ll get sick of it, and find something else to cook.

20. I’m hopeless at small talk. I struggle to have surface level conversations. I always want to go straight into the Deep and Meaningful stuff. It doesn’t bode well in certain social situations. I was I had more of the ‘banter’ gene. It’s just not me though.

21. In 2010, I sold my house so I could focus full-time on One Girl. If I live frugally, I’ve got about 9 months before I run out of money. I believe that I’ll start getting paid to do this work this year though. All or nothing baby.

22. Half of me doesn’t believe in marriage, and the other half would love a fairytale wedding. I don’t believe that I can promise to love someone forever, so I can’t sign a contract that promises that. It makes the whole marriage thing kind of hard. I envy people who get married and have babies without second guessing – the whole married with babies thing just freaks me the f**k out.

23. I’m only just starting to believe that I have what it takes to run a crazily successful non-profit organisation.

24. In 2011, I spent more time travelling the world than I did living in Australia. I visited the UK, Sierra Leone, China, East Timor, America, Indonesia and India. It was awesome. This year I have a strong desire to ‘settle’ in one place for a while. Living out of a backpack can be fun, but I want some stability now.

25. I bite my nails. I’ve been doing it since I had teeth. Not sure how to stop. I’d love to have pretty manicured nails one day. I used to have acrylic nails – but I don’t have the inclination (or the funds) to get them anymore.

26. I went to my first ‘clothing optional’ festival this year. Hello Confest. It seems the old men are very comfortable with baring it all – it took me a day or so to adjust to seeing so much penis. Funnily enough, seeing naked people (even good looking naked people) is remarkably non-sexual. It takes away all the mystery. The picture at the top of this blog post is from Confest. I had an awesome time rolling around in the mud. I wasn’t brave enough to go completely naked though. Maybe next year.

27. I want to spend my whole life making a difference for other people. Whether it’s through One Girl, Yoga or future projects that I haven’t even thought of yet. I experience joy when I know that I’m helping someone grow and develop. In turn, I get to grow and develop too. It’s a win win baby!

I’m very excited about publishing this post. It’s good to be back. I’ve missed you.

What’s something you’ve never shared about yourself? Let me know in the comments below!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=547706047 Alysha Herrmann

    Thanks for sharing this lady. I like you. x

  • http://www.daveursillo.com Dave Ursillo

    This is terrific Chantelle. Thank you for the kind words, but thank you far more for opening up so deeply. Something like this is an incredible exercise for connecting with human beings around the world — whoever may come across it. As your friend, it’s gorgeous to get to know you even better.

    D

    PS – love the term “dark goddess”! It’s the yang to your yin, what I call my “inner renegade”. Understanding, embracing and restraining it definitely brings balance to doing great things in the world, giving liberally and being an idealist. Rock on love!

  • http://eagerexistence.com Ian [EagerExistence]

    Wow. Such a great post. We have so much in common, and yet, we are so different! I might have to subscribe.

  • Bo Bako

    You’re amazing !!
    Xx

  • http://www.hrostoski.com/ Mike Hrostoski

    Love the post. Emailed you a response. Keep on doing what you do.

  • http://www.legalnomads.com Jodi E.

    Welcome back and thanks for sharing. Sending you warm hugs from afar and hoping that bug bite isn’t anything nefarious! Looking forward to reading the next update :)

  • Hung Pham

    I love it and inspired to write my own confessions! Coming soon ..